We can't use these

Mighty Jim Munroe needed a projection screen for the HandY inaugral meeting. Having solved a similar problem at the TOJam Arcade (queen bedsheets proved to be a great substitute), and being a veteran of bedsheet shopping at Winners, I volunteered to procure one.

At 4:30pm I left my downtown workplace and walked to Winners near Yonge & Adelaide. Unlike their Yonge & College counterpart, they don’t carry bedsheets. Unshaken, I sauntered over to HomeSense, where they had bedsheets galore – provided you wanted a complete set. Starting at $70, you got 2 king sheets (1 fitted and 1 unfitted), and 2 king pillow cases. My budget was $10, but that thread count! “no…” i whispered, as I stroked the plastic bag containing the fabric.

Sears had the same issue and I wasn’t about to backtrack to the Bay. I was going all the way… to the Yonge & College Winners and the fulfillment of my childhood dreams. PACKAGED?! The thread count had soared to 600, but I still only needed 1 king sheet. What about my bed at home? Was my skin not singed nightly by a sandpapery 450? I was fine with child labour, so why not indulge a little? My brain said yes, but my clenched buttocks won the day.

Tablecloths! If there was salvation, it lay with picnic table coverings. I bounded to the miscellaneous isle and found several ultra colourful tablecloths awaiting their Easter mission. Does no-one make plain white (jesus christ!)? It was 6:20pm. I was supposed to be at the Unit by 6:45pm, and I needed to meet Nelson at home to share a cab. I had forgotten to bring Lips Munroe’s cel phone #, which was going to sound extra lame when I arrived late.

The Dollar Store! If anyone was going to carry a plain white tablecloth, it was them. I live near Church and Dundas, which conveniently has “Everything for a Dollar” beside the 2-4-1 pizza. Perhaps they will get together. This particular store is my New Year’s Eve noise maker salvation. While they were out of plain white, they did have a white “tablecover” with Godzilla “King of all Monsters” emblazoned on the front – I figured we could use the back. Cost: 1 dollar. Those guys aren’t joking around.

Fearing Popeye Munroe’s wrath, I crossed the street to the Hasty Market for a fallback. I found a single, WHITE tablecloth in stock. It was 10 dollars, and most of that went toward the horrendous oldschool “blue flower and gold” trim. Part of me knew it would have been a dollar at Everything – I ignored that part. I grabbed some duct tape, scissors and Nelson, and we split a cab to the Unit. It was 7:00pm.

At 7:20pm I ran screaming into the bar – trampling Jonathan Mak in the process (he may have been attempting to say Hi). I punched Raigan in the face, and announced that I had the screens with me. MacGyver Munroe had already jury rigged a quaint medium size screen (complete with stand). While my “screens” were bigger, they needed to be hung which presented several logistic challenges. We stuck with the midget screen, and no-one was the wiser.

Except my broken heart.